Southern California
(to The Eagles ‘Hotel California’ – sung in heavy Latino accent)

On a dark strip of highway, INS over there
Warm smell of tequila, black fish-net in my hair (so greasy)
Up ahead in the distance, I see the US of A
If I can make somebody pregnant there I heard
Their government will pay (big money)

So I called out to Paco, “Please hand me the wine” (He said)
“We haven’t drank this Thunderbird here since yesterday morning at nine”
Then through the bushes we crawlin’ so far away
Hop a fence in the middle of the night. I can’t wait to say…

Welcome to the Southern California’s
Such a lovely place (the most lovely place) for the Latino race
There isn’t much room left in Southern California
But everyday of year (every single year) illegal’s flocking here

(slow tempo, play soft)

I learned how to speak English watching reruns of Miami Vice
(And Tubb’s said) “We are all just immigrants here, so let’s all play nice” (Gracias!)
And then I watched the Scarface from beginning to end
I loved it when Pacino said “Say hello to my little friend” (Hola amigo!)

(back to regular tempo)

Next thing I remember I was running for the border (Arriva!)
I hopped up on a luggage rack and Paco hid under the floor
“Relax” I said to Paco, as we drove off into the night
The police won’t even search this car, you know, because the drive is white (it's true!)

Then we pulled into LA, I caught a familiar smell
And I was thinking to myself “this must be heaven ‘cuz there’s Taco Bell”
I hear those Taquito’s calling not so far away
Hot-wire a car in the middle of the night. We’re finally here to stay…

Welcome to the Southern California’s
Such a lovely place (the most lovely place) for the Latino race
There isn’t much room left in Southern California
But my car’s jacked-up nice, (really jacked-up nice) with the pink fuzzy dice

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